a heart vowing to be stronger.

Thursday, February 04, 2010 at1:07 AM

i am somehow surprised of myself right now.
i just realized that i'm not that weak after all.
i first thought that when it came to you i would be,
but after what had happened earlier,
i'm glad and surprised that i'm not so weak at all.

thank you my dear girlfriends,
for helping me find the answer that i had always been searching for.
i had never thought that i would get it by today seeing that we had such a beautiful evening together.
i'm indeed torn by your answer and yet i'm not crying or hurting like i thought i would.
maybe because i did not face you on my own?
i don't know nor do i care about it right now.
i've got what i wanted from you.
an answer.

an answer that i had already been expecting from you.
i get it when you said you were true to your heart.
i'm true to mine too.
i can't blame you for anything.
she's your first.
and she's better than me.
that would be the most heartbreaking fact that i would have to accept.

you are important.
and in order to still have you in my life, i would be strong and move on.
move on for a better love.
a love that i could give and get one back in return.
i just hope that he would at the least be as perfect as you.

from now on,
i would treat you as another brother i wished to have.
you are the "tai lou" to my girls.
i do not know when can i ever call you that without the awkwardness that i would feel.
for you will never know that i had already found my answer.
for you will never know that you had crushed me today.

now,
i hope that you could move on with your own life seeing that she already is.
is it that worth it just waiting for her like that?
is she worth your wait?

but all in all.
i get it.
i saw her yesterday went coming back from dinner yesterday.
i had to agree.
she indeed has the flawless skin that i always wished for,
the perfect eyebrows that i longed for.
just by a look at her Facebook profile picture,
i now know why you still can't let her go.

i do envy her a lot at this moment.
for she has your love.
i wished to have owned in even for awhile,
but it wasn't mine to own.
i just have to accept that right now.

five months.
five months.
less than five months.
its so cruel that i will only be given this amount of time to forget you completely.

i want you to be happy always.
your a stubborn person,
a stone.
i hope that you will open up more rather than keeping everything to yourself.
i hope that you will not take too much thoughts in every decision you make.
you will just confuse yourself further.
i hope that you will find the happiness that you seek, though its not with me.

after everything,
i still hope that you will always be the guy i that i fell for.

i had never admit this to anyone but,
i love you.

love;
- jocelyn -